More Deep Thoughts


Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

Speed gets you nowhere if you are on the wrong way.

Chicken is the only animal we eat before it is borne and after it is dead.

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess.

Be nice to your children. They are the ones who choose your old folk's home.

If you look like your photo in your passport - you surely need a vacation!

Make love not war. Unless you want to do both. If so - get married!

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be in the cell next to you saying,"Damn, that was fun!"

Why does sour cream have an expiry date?

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry. Because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of his life?